Welcome to parenting. No refunds. Please check your sanity at the door and remember to keep your sense of humor and patience with you at all times - it's a bumpy ride...

I lifted Gabriel in the air over my face and was googly-gooing with him and he threw up on me--with a smile, of course. What did he have for lunch? Carrots. So I took a shower. As I was getting dressed, Gabe started getting cranky. I went over to him to see what was wrong. He just had an explosive poop (moms, you know what I'm talking about) that came out of the leg holes and up and out of the back of his diaper. It was everywhere. So I cleaned him up as much as I could and took him upstairs for a bath. As I was putting lotion on him after his bath, he proceeded to pee on his freshly showered mother. Awesome.

All of this happened in the course of ONE HOUR.