So I was out laying on a blanket on the grass (picnic) and I felt the baby move!! It was crazy! I'm pretty sure I've felt it move before, but this time I was positive--it was totally nuts but really awesome.

I'm worried about baby's daddy though. I still care about him as a person, obviously, so I'm kinda bummed at the choices he's making right now. My brother says he sees him occasionally and he looks like he may not be keeping himself clean (yes, he showers--I'm talking about other stuff). That really breaks my heart. He has so much potential! So much talent! It's not fair to himself and to his family for him to waste it. Plus if I do an open adoption, it's a huge possibility that he would be able to visit--or even his parents or sister if they wanted to--but not if he gets into trouble and gets himself thrown in jail. I really hope he's not doing what my brother thinks he might be. I would be really sad if he is...

Anyway, I get to go to the doctor a week from tomorrow!! He'll do an ultrasound and measure everything and possibly tell me if it's a boy or girl!!

First Ultrasound!!

So I had my first real doctor visit today!! Aubrey came with me for moral support, so a big "Thanks!" to her!! Dr. Dewey was all booked up, so I saw the NP in his office (Kelly....Parker?) I was nervous and excited and SO relieved to finally get to a doctor! As you well know, my biggest frustration has been not really knowing how far along I am, so that was the big question I wanted answered today.

So I went in and filled out all of the paperwork and then they did what will be the "routine tests" (weight, blood pressure, and urinalysis to check sugar and protein levels). They said everything looked good so far, so that was nice to hear! I haven't had a physical or a Pap in a few years though....so we had to do that today (ick).

Finally, we got to see the little squirt!! It's so cute!! It moved around a lot and wouldn't give us a profile (lol) so the picture is head on! It kept rolling back and forth, showing us its little tush and back. Ha ha ha! Kelly told me that (as I suspected) it looks like it's about 18 weeks along--not 16 (yay!!) So my new estimated due date (EDD) is October 22nd. Sweet!

I have to go to the lab at the Provo hospital today or tomorrow to do some blood tests (Hep B, HIV, and AFP/Quad screen). Then I go in to see Dr. Dewey in two weeks and he'll do measurements and possibly tell us if it's a boy or girl. My mom and Mike will be in town, so they'll get to see it!! That will be neat!

Look at my cute little baby!! Posing and everything!!

This one should make it easier to tell what everything is...

Doctor, Doctor!!

I finally received my medical coverage information in the mail yesterday!! I called a doctor right away to set up an appointment. I get to go in next week on Thursday!! Dr. Dewey is his name. It will be fun to see/hear the baby!!

Short update...

So I haven't posted in a while--gah!!

Life has been busy. I have a place to live now (I moved to Utah), so I'm a lot less stressed out. And the big news: We've decided on adoption. I think it would be best for the baby to have a mom and a dad who are able to take care of it and give it everything it needs to have a good life. At first I didn't even want to think about adoption, but then I realized that I was being selfish. If I really love this baby, I should put my wants aside and put the baby's needs first. I am 100% positive that adoption will be best.

Anyway, it's late so I'm going to bed. Just figured I would post a little update!

Almost TMI...

Okay, so today (technically yesterday, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still today) was the worst as far as "morning sickness" is concerned. The worst it has been since the beginning of the pregnancy. I mean I've felt nauseous before now but it never went past that. Today I felt it in my belly, my chest, my throat--it went from "Ick, I feel nauseous." to "Holy crap I really am going to throw up. I hope I make it to the bathroom in time." You know when you KNOW you're going to be sick? Not just the icky feeling--over the ledge, get me a bucket. I got to the bathroom and got into position, but nothing came up. Thank goodness, because I just took my prenatal vitamin and to have to take another one would be upsetting--those suckers are expensive.

Anyway, I felt sick ALL day. It was "uncomfortably close to throwing up" sick too. I couldn't even enjoy the slow cooked BBQ chicken I made.... :-( But I VERY much enjoyed the home made mashed potatoes. Yummmm.....

So I'm really craving cake right now, but I don't want to go to the store by myself. Besides, it's like midnight....but I want cake soooo bad!!! Oh well....

"Calm down, Ashley"..."Okay. Chilling out."

So I talked to my mom today and she made me feel a lot better about everything. Thank goodness!! I was really starting to freak out.

It was really great to just sit and talk to her anyway. We talked about favorite family traditions and holidays and stuff. We laughed about crazy childhood stories involving Candace and TJ and myself. We had a lot of really great times!! My mom was a single parent for a lot of my childhood--and she had THREE kids!! It gives me a lot of hope and reassurance--I can do this!!

I decided that I want to make a recipe box (again--I used to have one, but it got lost in one of many moves...). I'm going to send blank recipe cards to my mom and Ray's mom and other family members (like my sister--that girl can COOK!) and have them copy down favorite family recipes. I know for sure that I want the pie crust recipe from Candace (I always forget it...even though it's only like three ingredients), a handful of recipes from my mom (she has some of grandma's old recipes) like her taco soup, breakfast pizza, and potato salad, and Ray's mom makes the BEST rice (she has a few other great recipes up her sleeve too)!!

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better today. Thank goodness!!

8? 11? Who knows? Cuz I don't....

So I'm really frustrated and kind of annoyed at my situation. For other than obvious reasons.

I thought the first day of my last period was February 7th. Now that I've been talking to other women and reading posts on babyfit.com (a "mommy site" that I joined), I've realized that that might not have been a period. A lot of women that I've talked to have said they had a "period" that wasn't really a period at the beginning of their pregnancy. It was just the egg implanting itself. Now I don't remember how heavy/light that "period" was. I just remember that it came a lot earlier than usual (about a good week early)--which is why I remember the exact date. I just thought it was odd, but that was it.

Normally, my period comes around the 15th. It's usually right on schedule (give or take a day or two--but not a WEEK!). So now I'm thinking maybe I'm further along than I originally thought. If I'm right about that, I'm about 11 weeks along. That's kind of scary and really frustrating! I haven't been to a real doctor visit yet. All I've done is a blood test to confirm pregnancy. In a week I'll be out of my first trimester if I'm that far along! I'm kind of worried. Not sure if I should be really all that worried....but not knowing if I should be makes me want to default to worrying. But I don't have the money or the insurance to go see a doctor! Everyone says it would be better if I wait until I get to Utah to get set up on Medicaid so I don't have to deal with transferring it from one state to another and blah blah blah. But that means another two weeks!! And what if I'm 11 weeks along right now?!

Grrrr.....I hate not knowing.

PB&J anyone?

So here I am. Eating my latest craving (peanut butter and jelly) and watching stupid, sappy movies about life and mommies and whatever. I am an emotional roller-coaster. I cry about everything.

Ugh.

Just a little update: I got my first baby gift today!! My dad's new wife gave me a three-pack of hooded baby towels. They're so cute!! They're white and yellow with little duckies on them! So they'll work if I have a boy or a girl.

Yay!

Names!! And a new due date!

So I went to go pick up the paperwork from the doctor visit...what was it? like a week and a half ago? Anyway, I drove over to get the "official" results from the blood test and they gave me a due date (my previous assumed due date was from an online due date calculator--it was only a day off though). Guess what it is. November 13, 2009. My birthday! I don't know whether to think that's cool, or to feel a little jealous that my birthday will possibly not be mine anymore....LOL! I'm only kidding. If the little tadpole (that's what I've been calling it) wants to come on my birthday, so be it!

Ray and I talked about names. Some say it's a little early in the game to decide on names, but I say why the hell not? What are we waiting for?! So....

If it's a boy (which is what I'm hoping for): Aiden Thomas

If it's a girl (which is what literally EVERYONE else keeps saying/wanting): Kaydence Lynn

Yay!!